Mi padre.

Daddy was going through some old boxes last night and came across some cards and things that I had made for him as a child.

Apparently, I made him a "book" of my four favorite letters: O, Y, A, and C.  Mommy Dearest is a pharmacist so we have several drug pads/pens/mugs around the house.

Please note the spelling of "yellow" as "yella."  I told you I was a redneck child.  This is further proof.

Back in 1992, Daddy got sick and had to go to the hospital for treatment.  He was supposed to be given antibiotics and be sent home.  They gave him Penicillin, only to discover he was deathly allergic.  He ended up spending a week in the hospital.  This means he missed my birthday and his.  I was a loving and thoughtful child, so I decided to make him a Happy Birthday + Get Well card.  I even drew him a picture.

Pretty good for a 6 year old.

 Can we just pause for a second and discuss something about this drawing?  I'm sure you've noticed and are curious.  What is on that nurse's dress?  Did I give her a penis?  Is that a baby in her belly?  The answer will forever be a mystery, but please submit your guesses!


In conclusion, today is Daddy's 55th birthday.  Happy Birthday Daddy!

Peace out,
A

Happy Halloween!

Just a quick post to reveal my Halloween ensemble.

I decided to go as a baby prostitute from Toddlers and Tiaras.  Best decision ever.

In case you were wondering, the crown and trophy are legit from by baby pageant days.  See below.

What was your costume?

Tricks *and* treats,
A

Crime scene photos and unicorns: You will find both here.

Apparently I am feeling nostalgic with my birthday coming up this weekend.  Plus I just really love old pictures and looking at the ridiculous outfits I used to wear.  Let's take a peek at another batch, shall we?

Baller and a shot-caller.

Unicorns do exist.

I was pretty darn cute as a kid.  Not sure what happened.

This is the first time my Grandmother held me.  (I looked like an alien baby.)

Check out those permed bangs.

When I was a child, I was obsessed with playing Murder Mystery.  Clearly, this is a "crime scene" photo.  I was a morbid child.  Maybe this explains my obsession with crime TV shows and Dexter...

I'm still working on my Halloween costume.  I'd tell you what it is, but I'm keeping that a secret.  

I had plans to go out tonight for an early birthday celebration, but the weather is super crappy, and it seems as though everyone has already made plans.  Who know, I may end up staying in.  

Hopefully this weekend will produce some awesomely awkward stories.  I will keep you posted.

Snuggles,

A

Blasts from the Past

I came across another stack of pictures last night.  Let's relive the glory days, shall we?

This is proof that I was never serious as a child.  Or as an adult, for that matter.

And yes, Mommy Dearest and I had matching dresses.  My aunt made them for us.  There were several more.

Toddlers and Tiaras: 1987.  Mommy Dearest entered me in and 18 and under beauty pageant and I won every category.  And then I ate my crown.

Holy fanny pack Batman!

The first day of 3rd grade, and I'm definitely wearing a plaid jumpsuit.  Hand-me-downs are awesome.

I was a pretty pretty princess.

Sorry that I don't have more to say right now.  I'm working on planning my Halloween costume.  If I can pull it off and find all of the parts and pieces, it will be amazeballs.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Hugs,

A

Oldies but goodies.

I stumbled upon some old photos when I as at my parents' house last night.  Here are some of the gems.

I was a pretty cute kid.

Trixie was my kitty for 16 years.  She was cranky in her old age, but she like playing with Barbies when we were little.

1980s Mommy Dearest judges you.

I have attractive parents.  This was taken while they were still dating.

 I'm not sure why Blogger insists on displaying these sideways, but oh well.  Just a random photo dump.  Carry on with your lives.

Ciao,

A

Doggy Daycare

I'm just gonna come out and say it.  I'm a cat person.

But not this kind of cat person.  Because that's weird. {here}

It's not that I don't like dogs.  I just have never been fond of jumpy-licky dogs.  Cats are chill and do their own thing.  A friend of mine went out of town this week and asked me to look after 3 of her 4 dogs.  They are all small dogs and they live inside her townhouse.  That sounds totally doable.  Y'all, one of the dogs wears diapers.  Like for real Pampers.  That would have been a handy detail to know.  And one of the dogs hates me.  She wants to eat my face off.  Here are the culprits.

My name is Toot.  I love to snuggle.

My name is Parker and I wear diapers because I can't control my pee.  I like to sleep under the covers because I get cold.

My name is Maddie and I will murder you.  And pee all over the carpet, right next to the potty pad., just to piss you off.

These tiny dogs are neurotic.  They make me appreciate this little nugget of mine.

Oh, hi.

After work today, the parents and I are headed to Alabama to see my Grandmother (and obvi the rest of the family) for Mother's Day.  This will be the first time we've been down there since Granddaddy died.  Thinking about it makes my heart hurt.  

That's all I have for now.  But really, how do you top dogs in diapers?  That's pretty much as exciting as it gets around here.

Go hug your mom/grandmother/aunt/etc.

Kthanksbye,
A

PS- Does anyone know a good Blogger app for the iPhone?  Does such a thing exist?

9 Things I saw in Sin City.

1.  You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

2.  This photo has not been altered in any way.

3.  This was a real bar inside Planet Hollywood...

4.  Pausing for a drink and a break after our 5 mile walk down The Strip (Mommy Dearest).

5.  Now I have been to both Eiffel Towers.

6.  Dancing Waters at the Bellagio.  This was incredible.

7.  Painted umbrellas hanging from the ceiling in the Bellagio.

8.  I lost $1 to this slot machine, but it was totally worth it.

9.  A tramp stamp on a man infused with tigerblood = BI-WINNING!

Love and Rockets,

A

Inappropriate laughter

Today is one of those days.  It's yucky and rainy and nothing is going right.  I was looking through my Blackberry at my pictures and I found some that made me giggle.  I decided that I should share these with you, my lovely followers.  Enjoy!

I babysit this sweet little girl and I tried to take a picture of her smiling.  This is what I got.  Even better.

Do I stop?  Or do I go?

Best pizza delivery van ever.  TMNT for life.

I pass this church on my way to my parents' house.  I don't even know what to say.

Don't get greedy, now.

"FLU SHOTS HERE" sign fail.  

I was reading through old work orders for a client and came across this gem.  That's an "L," not a "C."  (Give it a second...)

I found this Nutcracker head when I used to work at The Children's Museum.

Variations of this ad were all over the Tube stations in London.  www.loveyourvagina.com  Go on, I dare you.

This is a toy vending machine thing at the movie theater.  Couldn't they have come up with a better name?

How to write in Braille:
Step 6: Laugh at Steo 5.
Step7: Go to Hell.  You're a cruel person for laughing.

Hearts and sparkles,

A