Starfish & Coffee

"Starfish and coffee,
Maple syrup and jam, 
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine,
And a side order of ham.
If you set your mind free, baby,
Maybe you'd understand
Starfish and coffee,
Maple syrup and jam."

"Sign 'O' the Times" by Prince {here}

Ok, so this post has nothing to do with starfish or coffee, other than the fact that it is random.  Besides, I adore this song (especially the cover by Matt Nathanson) and it's been stuck in my head today.

Lack of sleep and an abundance of stress have caused me to come down with a rather annoying cold.  It doesn't help that the weather keeps alternating between summer and fall every other day.  Seriously, Mother Nature, make up your freaking mind.  

Since my brain is relatively fried, I am going to post a list of my random thoughts.  Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting a polished post.  

  1. I'm struggling to come up with a Sunday School lesson and a night-time lesson for my youth group for this week.  Lately, we've been discussing truth and right/wrong in Sunday School, and we've been talking about sharing our faith on Sunday nights.  I don't want them to burn out on a topic, but I don't want to end anything too soon.  Ideas???
  2. I'm a little worried that my foot isn't healing like it should.  It's extraordinarily sensitive still.  And achy.
  3. I'm searching for new inspiration for my copper jewelry line.  I love what I do, but I want to do more!  Suggestions?
  4. On days like today, I'd rather procrastinate that be productive.  (Hence the blog entry.)
  5. Halloween is quickly approaching.  I've narrowed down my costume ideas to 2 choices: Snooki or Lady GaGa.  Last year, I was Kate [Gosselin] + 8.  It was a pretty awesome costume, if I do say so myself (which I do).
Nailed it.  I am determined to match the awesomeness of Kate + 8, so which do I choose???  I've decided that the sex-bomb costumes just aren't me.  I don't make a good sexy Little Miss Bo Peep or sultry Catwoman or naughty school-girl.  No ma'am.  It's best that I just accept it and move on.  Instead of spreading lusty feelings with skimpy/overpriced/unoriginal costumes, I'd rather spread laughter.  

6.  Gilt Groupe spoils me with it's fabulousness.  And RueLaLa.  Check out this ridiculous beauty that I got in the mail from Gilt yesterday:

(Pardon the gnarly cat scratches on my hand.)
  It is absurd, gaudy, and I LOVE it!  I mean c'mon...it's gigantic, and it's a cameo of a fairy.  What's not to love???

7.  I REALLY want an iPad.  My excuse is that I need a computer for my business and iPad's are surprisingly inexpensive.  I realize that they don't have tons of memory, but that's what my crappy Gateway laptop is for.  I just need something that doesn't take 15 minutes to boot up and won't overheat and crash or get viruses everyday.  Plus I just want one.  

I guess that's all for now.  I know both of you that read this are truly riveted.  You're welcome.

Later gators, 


Stupid Boy

"So what made you think you cold take a life
And just push it, push it around?
I guess to build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down."

Love, Pain & The Whole Stupid Thing by Keith Urban {here}

How can people be so completely self-absorbed and arrogant?  I don't get it.  Did their mothers not teach them manners?  Of course, I can answer that question in this particular situation: his mother did not teach him manners.  Who is he, you ask?  Those of you who know me probably can already guess, but for the sake of not calling him out directly, we will just call him The Ex.  I need to give you a brief background to explain my opening question about people being self-absorbed.

WARNING: If your time is valuable and/or you don't have the patience for a long-winded post, turn back now.

So it all started when I met The Ex in 2007 when I was on Fall Break in Scotland.  He was friends with the people I was traveling with, and we really hit it off.  The next day was my 21st birthday and he offered to take me and my friend (KG) out to celebrate.  It ended up being a great night and KG played match-maker and set us up.  But, as whirlwind "romances" go, it seemed that it would be short-lived.  I left Scotland the next day to continue traveling.  We kept in touch when I got back to Italy, and we got to the point where we talked everyday.  He even came to visit me 2 months later and stayed with me for a week.  That's when we made our relationship official.  We didn't have an easy road ahead of us.  Distance was a pretty big issue.  I'm a SC girl, but he lived in NY and went to college in VA. Ok, so I'll just drive to see him on weekends, no biggie.  He's Jewish, I'm Christian.  It didn't bother me at all, but it was a huge issue for his family.  Needless to say, they were my biggest fans.
[Fast forward.]  We dated all through my senior year of college and beyond.  I was heels over head in love, and I was told the feelings were mutual.  We had our fights, like every couple battling the Distance Monster, but we also had some great times.  Looking back on everything, I see it differently.  I realized something last night.  I know that I loved him, but I think I also felt like the relationship had to work.  I needed him to be The One.  I made excuses for his selfish behavior, his thoughtlessness, his absence, his family, and everything.  I rarely put myself first.  But I needed it to work, so I thought that's what I was supposed to do.  I guess I was tired of searching for The One, so clearly The Ex should fill that role.  I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to have to go through another painful break-up, and I guess I had Wedding Fever...I can't really explain it.  All I know is that I wasn't treated like I deserve to be and I excused it.  When we were together, things were generally great.  I genuinely enjoyed the trips to see him at college, despite the 7-hour drive one way.  My BFFAE said something to me once that stuck with me.  (I refused to believe it at the time, but looking back on it, she has a very good point.) You shouldn't have to make sacrifices for someone else if they aren't willing to make those same sacrifices for you.  Here's where that comes into play.  The Ex, as I told you, was Jewish, lived in NY, and was planning to work in the high-profile banking industry after graduation.  He made it clear to me that I would have to be the one to move if/when we took the relationship to the next level.  It made sense to me, because the banking industry isn't exactly booming down here in the South.  Plus, I like NY.  Maybe I could find a cool job and use my Bachelor of Arts Degree in Art History.  (Let's just ignore the fact that my entire family lives well below the Mason Dixon line and I would be moving entirely too far away from them.)  Here's the big kicker...I was told that IF I wanted a future with him, I'd have to convert to Judaism, and even then, I wouldn't be a "real" Jew, so his family would never really accept me.  Stupid me said I would cope.  I convinced myself that that was okay. I actually considered converting. (I had decided that I could convert, but still stay true to my Christian beliefs.  Not the best idea probably.)  What was I thinking?!  Why would I want to be part of a family that didn't like me?  Regardless of all of the negative factors, I was determined that The Ex was The One.  He came to visit me one weekend and, out of the blue, suggested we go look at engagement rings.  I was THRILLED!  He let me know that it wouldn't happen right away (which I knew) but he wanted to know what I liked.  
[Fast forward.]  The Ex graduated from college the year after I did, so I flew to VA for the weekend to see him graduate and finally meet his family in person.  (I'd met his Grandma and her boyfriend and I'd spoken to his Mom on the phone.)  His parents were civil-ish.  That's the best I can describe it.  I'd assumed that they would take us out to dinner the night before his graduation to celebrate this awesome achievement in his life.  I was wrong.  They went to dinner without us and I had to beg him to order a pizza for us so I didn't starve.  It was an uncomfortable weekend, to say the least.  After he graduated, he moved back home to NY and back into his parents' home.  They regained control over his life and gave him an ultimatum, which he ever-so-gently (note the sarcasm) delivered to me at 2am when I was on vacation with my Mom.  If he chose to continue the relationship, they planned to disown and disinherit him.  Clearly he chose them.  I still don't know how parents can do that to their children.  It was a completely heartbreaking experience and I was lost.  Looking back, that was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Our relationship wasn't perfect and his family was placing too much pressure on him and he just cracked.  And I suffered because of it.
[Fast forward.]  For some reason, I thought we should stay friends.  I guess I just didn't know how to remove him from my life.  Besides, the only contact we had was via Blackberry or text because he was all the way in NY and I was in SC.  The problem with this "friendship" was that he took advantage of it.  Still does.  He comes to me when he has problems, and I talk him through things and give him moral support.  He rarely returns the favor.  Somehow he's always busy when I need a friend.  I have called him out on this in several tearful, frustrating conversations, to which he half-heartedly apologizes and I begrudgingly "forgive" him.  Last night, this happened again.  I've been distancing myself from him recently.  We broke up on Memorial Day weekend in 2009 (yes, I realize how long ago that was), but I was still holding on to something that didn't really exist.  His birthday was Wednesday so I gave him a quick call to wish him a Happy Birthday before he headed off to dinner with his Flavor of the Week Girlfriend.  (He's dating someone new every time we talk so I don't bother to learn names anymore.  Although, this one does have the same name as the one before her...)  He thanked me for remembering and calling.  He texted me last night to see if I could talk so he could tell me about how the night went.  I couldn't talk at that moment, but I called him about 30 minutes later.  He went into way too much detail about the night and the new girl, to which I reminded him that I didn't care to know such things.  He told his whole story, told me he might be falling in love with her (gag me - they've been officially dating for a few weeks), and said he wanted to go to bed.  I asked if he planned on asking about my day/life and he said no.  I snapped and told him he was inconsiderate (but I wasn't quite so polite about it) and that he only cared about himself and that I didn't know why I was even surprised and that he's a bad friend and blah blah blah.  I'm so over it!  I just can't handle the stress he adds to my life when he does this.  We are capable of a nice, friendly conversation, but then he goes and pulls this garbage.  What keeps me attached to him?  Why do I give him that power over me?  To be clear, I'm really and truly over him, in the sense that I'm not still in love and hoping that one day he will wake up and realizes he still loves me.  I gave up that charade long ago.  I am no longer blind to his flaws.  I know that we are by no means right for each other, so that's not why I do this.  I guess I have issues with removing people from my life.  I am fairly quick to forgive and move on because I don't like conflict.  Maybe I'm a push-over?  I don't know.  Do I have a right to be angry with him (even though I've kept in touch and let him do this to me)?  Any thoughts? 

Thanks for reading this (if you made it past the first paragraph even).



I'm in a Hurry (And Don't Know Why)

"I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why"

Ultimate Alabama 20 No. 1 Hits {here}

This is exactly how I feel lately.  As soon as Monday morning rears it's ugly head, I'm praying for 5:01pm on Friday to hurry it's little butt up.  The upside is that I enjoy all of the things that keep me busy and have me always in a hurry.  However, I do love the moments where I have NOTHING to do.  Those are few and far between at the moment.  I long for those moments, especially right now since I have a broken foot that doesn't appreciate my constant hurrying from place to place.  What keeps me so busy you ask? (I'm just going to pretend that the 2-3 of you that actually read this did ask.  Humor me.)

  1. My full-time job.  I work somewhere that I like, with people I enjoy, doing work that makes me happy.   PLEASE don't assume that I'm ungrateful for being employed because that is most certainly NOT the case.
  2. My business.  I started my own jewelry business in August and I am loving it.  Orders are rolling in and I couldn't be more thrilled.  However, this leads to some late nights when I have people needing a quick turn-around on an order.
  3. Church.  I've taken over the position as the new Youth Director at my church.  I don't really feel old enough to be in that position.  I mean, wasn't I in Youth Group like yesterday?!  This requires that I plan Sunday School and Youth Group curriculum, which can be challenging.  Have you ever tried to find a meaningful topic that is also interesting and engaging?  
  4. Kappa Alpha Theta.  Joining Theta in college might have been one of the best decisions I made.  I walked away with life-long friendships, great memories, and some pretty hilarious stories/pictures.  Since I live just down the road (about 45 minutes) from my Alma Mater, I decided to volunteer to the the Membership Advisor for our Chapter.  Keep in mind, when I decided this months ago, I was unemployed and searching for positive ways to spend my time.  I'm very glad I took the position, but it's been some time since I participated in Recruitment (aka Rush).  I was Recruitment Chair in 2006 (junior year) and then I was studying abroad during Recruitment senior year and missed it.  It's crunch time this week, as everything kicks off tomorrow, so I'm preparing to switch back to Theta mode. (Suddenly, all of the cheers and songs from my college days have coming rushing--no pun intended--back into my head.)  And there's a tiny (well, maybe bigger than that) piece of me that hopes that even as an advisor, I will get a Bid Day shirt.  Is that sad?
  5. Babysitting.  During my 6 months of unemployment, I spent a fair amount of time playing the role of Nanny for several families.  (Thirty-something children, to be exact.)  I loved it.  I've been doing the babysitting thing since I was 13, so this is nothing new.  I guess I'm considered the "cool" babysitter because I love to play games, make crafts, color, read stories, and things like that.  Since I've gotten a job, I babysit less, but usually I do it at least once a week.  That means my life still includes Disney Princesses, colorful band-aids, talking stuffed animals, Dora the Explorer, bedtime stories, finger painting, carpool lines, and all the great things that come with kids.

And the rant is over.  Just wanted to give you a glimpse into my chaotic life.  Thanks for reading!

Later gators,


    First Time

    "I'm so tired of being inspired only when things slip away." 
    Ernst by Matt Nathanson {here}

    Wondering about the title and the random lyrics?  I've decided to "borrow" the idea from Grey's Anatomy and I am naming all of my blog posts after songs or albums that I like.  (We shall see how long that lasts.  I'm pretty famous for starting things with great intentions, and then somehow, them seem to fall to the wayside.)

    I thought this was a fantastic choice for my first post because I'm slightly obsessed with Matt Nathanson, AND because I like this song.  Truth be told, I like the lyrics more than I like the actual music, but never mind that.  His words struck a chord in me and I think it's a good note on which to start this blogging adventrure.  (Too many musical puns for one sentence?  Get used to it.)

    So, I hope that you'll follow me on this adventure.  Bear with me.  My topics may be unconventional or quirky or just plain self-serving, but that's the point of blogs, right?  Besides, I've never been accused of being "normal" anyway.

    Love and Rockets,
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