What we have here is a failure to communicate.

There seems to be a common theme running through my life lately.  That theme is miscommunication.  Come to think of it, it's not just lately.

Gather 'round children, while I tell you an awkward story from my past.

When I was a sophomore in college, I took a class for Interim (the school's January term) with my core group of friends.  We went to Italy for 19 days to study art history.  Totally my jam.  We started our trip in Rome, made our way through Tuscany to Florence, and ended our trip in Venice.  I didn't speak a lick of Italian.  I also tend to have a thick southern accent (especially when I've consumed alcohol or when I'm sleepy).  One night, we were at a bar in Venice.  It was super late and we hadn't slept much that trip.  Who wants to sleep when you are in Italy?!  I moseyed on up to the bar and--in my best broken Italian--asked the bartender where the toilets were located.  (They don't use polite phrases like "restroom" or "bathroom" so you have to be direct.)  The bartender winked at me and handed me a shot.  Well that's odd.  I didn't order a shot...  I decided that maybe he just didn't understand me and was trying to flirt with the American girl.  But I had to pee.  I went back up to the bar a few minutes later and the scenario repeated itself.  I asked for the toilet and he winked and gave me a shot.  I was extremely confused but I took my shot and walked away.  Then I really had to pee.  Remember that scene at the beginning of Austin Powers where he pees for like 8 minutes straight?  It was like that.  I walked back up to the bar in a final attempt to ask for directions/key to the toilet.  I saw the all-too-familiar scenario happening again but I was powerless to stop it.  I had pretty much decided I'd end up peeing myself.  Out of the blue, emerged an intoxicate angel.
Drunk angel: What do you want?
Moi:  I have to pee!  I keep asking him where the toilet is and he keeps giving me more to drink and OMGIMGONNAWETMYPANTSNOW!
DA:  That's not what you're asking him.
Moi:  Of course it is!  Wait...what do you mean?
DA:  You should be saying "Dove toletta?"
Moi:  Yea, that's what I said...
DA:  No, you said "Dove tu letto?"  That's definitely not the same.
Moi:  Big whoop.  What's the difference?
DA:  You meant to ask "Where is the toilet?" but you really asked "Where is your bed?"

No wonder he was so friendly.  Sheesh.

You're welcome.

Awkward hugs,

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