This post goes all the way back to 8th grade. You've been warned.

So my ex is getting married this weekend. Not The Ex, but the other major relationship I've had. We will call him JR. My friends reading this will know exactly who I'm talking about, but I'll fill the rest of you in.
JR and I met in middle school. We quickly became the best of friends. In 8th grade, I considered him my best friend, other than BFFAE. He was dating a friend of mine, and we will call her ELL. She hated the fact that we were friends, and I think he and I got to be so close because he didn't care what ELL thought and refused to let her jealously get in the way of our friendship. JR and I IMed all the time. (IMing...what a throwback!) I developed a big crush on him, naturally.
I have this very vivid memory of a class trip to NYC in 8th grade. ELL's mom chaperoned the trip, so she spent all of her time with her mom, and completely ignored JR, to the point of being mean. This led to him sitting with me on the bus. At one point, he told me he was going to break up with her. I convinced him not to. (That was a serious conversation to be having with your crush at age 13.) I guess I wanted to be the one he trusted. Plus I knew they'd never last. (Obviously...We were in 8th grade!) At one point in the trip, we stopped and went shopping. All the girls headed to Macy's to buy some scandalous halter tops or some such nonsense. I ended up being the last in line because I always have a hard time making up my mind when shopping. We were supposed to already be back on the bus, so everyone left me behind. (Sidenote: Middle school girls are mean!) I raced through the store, totally lost. I finally made my way back to the bus and breathlessly found my way back to the bus. In talking to a friend, I found out that JR was the only one to realize I wasn't on the bus (because I was supposed to be sitting next to him) and he made sure they didn't leave without me.
On another trip, to the Beta Club Convention at the beach, (nerdy, I know) a group of 8 of us went to compete. ELL and JR both went and were still dating at this point. The
4 girls were in our room one night and the phone rang. ELL answered and it was JR. He surprised her when he asked to speak to me. I took the phone and he told me to step out on the balcony because there was something I needed to see. I put the receiver on the table and stepped outside. The sun was going down over the ocean, but te beach was empty. I picked the phone back up and asked what I was supposed to be looking for. He told me the sunset reminded him of me and he just wanted me to see it. Swoon!
Fast forward to high school. We went to rival schools but continued to IM after school. We always flirted and said that we'd go on a date one day. He started dating a girl at my school who was a year older. I ran into them at our prom and I knew that that day was his birthday. I ran up and hugged him and wished him a happy birthday. I'll never forget what happened next. He gave me this funny look and said, "Oh it's just you," and turned back around without so much as a second glance. I vowed that minute that I was done with him for good. That was my junior year of high school (2003).
Fast forward to the fall of 2004, my freshman year of college. I was at my first ever fraternity party. I was mingling and taking everything in, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see JR, and he grinned and said, "It's you." I melted. We talked for hours and ended up kissing. I was on Cloud 9. I figured I'd never hear from him again, but I told myself I was fine with that.
Well, we ended up dating. We had our ups and downs but we genuinely loved each other. He had a temper and I was well aware of that. He never ever got physical with me, but he yelled. It was always out of general frustration with life so I got over it. (I'm not excusing that behavior, but I knew where his anger came from so I learned to understand it.) He had man periods every month. JR MANstrated.
He ended up breaking up with me during finals at the end of freshman year, but we didn't really break up until the fall when he started dating someone new. I kept him in my life and we always ended up back together (unofficially) between relationships. Now, I know my friends out there have negative feelings about him and I get it. But he put on a front with others that he dropped with me. But he did have a tendency to be an ass-hat.
Our junior year in college, he started dating a girl we will call KF. He and I still maintained a close friendship and I may have been "the other girl" one night when he kissed me when I was upset about something. His response was, "Kissing you is the only way I know to shut you up." Sweet in his own way, but I've always felt guilty about it. Bless KF for her patience sc her tolerance of my presence in his life.
Fast forward again to a year ago. KF Facebooked me and asked me to make JR custom copper cuff links for their anniversary. Awkward much? I obliged. He loved them.
JR was never the marrying type. In fact, he's been anti-marriage for as long as I can remember. He proposed to her a year ago. They get married this weekend. I'm struggling. In recent years/months, he and I have resolve all of our past issues. He apologized for his angry years and told me he should have treated me better. That was a big thing for him, someone who was never wrong (in his own mind). He called me about a month ago to tell me he was inspired by me and proud of me for all I'd done for The Preacher. That was a moment. I knew that he'd become the man I'd always known he would be.
There's a part of me that will always love him, and wish we'd worked out, but I know it obviously wasn't meant to be. But that doesn't mean I want to see him marry someone else.
Do I sound crazy to anyone else?

If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my crazy rant. I just needed to get it all out so its not in my head anymore. And here's a picture of us freshman year, just for kicks.

Leave me a sweet comment to make me feel less batshit crazy, k?



kamran said...

We are all bat shit crazy. In our own way. You deserve less drama than that one thrives on, imho.

Allison said...

I agree. But he's been my standard for so long. Swaggy, find me new and improved material. It's aridly dry around these parts. And I'm worthy.

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