Everybody poops.

My morning at the office started out on a painfully awkward note.
My coworker came into the office a little before 9am.  She stood in the lobby and wrinkled up her nose.  "It smells bad in here.  Does anyone else smell that??  It's terrible!"  I walked through the lobby on my way to the kitchen, and sure enough, it stunk.  About that time, my boss emerged from the restroom.  He looked at me, very embarrassed, and sighed.  OMG.  I was about as uncomfortable as I was after seeing Black Swan.  And I wasn't even the one that had said something.

Pooping in the office is awk.  Just throwing that out there.

On a more serious note, today marks the one month anniversary of Granddaddy's death.  I miss him everyday.  Every.  Single.  Day.

Love and Rockets,
A

Some people are cray cray.

I am on dumbass overload today.  I can't handle another stupid person.  Yes, I am cranky, but I am justified in feeling this way.  I started off my day by receiving a rude email.  Now I'm dealing with a potential client who changes her mind every two seconds.  Is it 5 o'clock yet?

Immediately after work, I'm heading to the gas station to fuel up, and then I'm heading to a dinner meeting.  I'm an advisor for my sorority and we are having a meeting at the Cracker Barrel tonight.  We are a classy group of ladies.  I hope there will be a lot of chewing and not a lot of talking.  I'm not really in the mood to talk.  But speaking of my sorority... Today is Kappa Alpha Theta's Founders Day!  I'm so happy to have my sisters as a part of my life!

Ok, you can stop gagging...the sappy moment is over now.

I almost forgot to tell you about yesterday!  Whew, that was a close one!  We have a older man that comes about every six weeks to wash our windows at the office.  He used to be homeless but he started his own window washing business and now makes a little living for himself.  He didn't strike it rich or anything, but he makes do.  He came in to my office to get the check I had for him and struck up a conversation with me.  I politely responded, while trying to focus on my work.  That didn't work.  He started telling me about his passion for astronomy and asked if he could show me some pictures.  Before I had a chance to respond, he whipped out his cell phone.  He started showing me pictures on his phone that he "took."  (By that, I mean he says he shot them but he really just took a picture of a picture in a book.)  He starts telling me that he took these pictures of the planets and constellations and that he'd seen God in the constellation Orion.  I'm not one to judge, and I believe that God presents Himself in different ways to different people, so I smiled and nodded.  He ran out to his car and brought me pictures that he claimed he taken and sent to NASA.  (Again, photos of photos in a book.)  He told me how he'd prayed to God to reveal Himself and pointed to the picture to show me where he saw God's face.  This whole discussion lasted for about half an hour.  I was alone in the office with Mr. Window Washer looking for faces in space.  Very interesting...

A close-up of the constellation Orion.  Apparently I'm supposed to see a dove and the face of God.

There's supposedly a rabbit and a little girl here.  He said something about the entrance to Heaven has something to do with children.  Clearly, I thought it was a little creepy.

Mr. Window Washer is a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, if you know what I mean.

*I wrote this post yesterday and forgot to hit publish.  Oops.

My hygiene products are trying to murder me.

My morning started out on a not-so-awesome note.  Stupid shower.

Let me tell you a little bit about the shower set-up.  I know everyone knows what a shower looks like, so don't get me wrong.  My shower has a built-in shelf up in the right corner of the shower (if you're facing the faucet).  That's where the various bottles of shampoo live.  There is also a wire caddy thing hanging from the shower head.  That's where the razors and other stuff live.  Well, this wire caddy thing has a removable shelf, which I removed recently because it kept falling down.  I stuck it up on the shelf with the shampoo.  This morning, as I was groggily soaping up, it happened.  Shampoo bottles and the removed wire shelf leaped off the top shelf and land square on the top of my foot.  My good foot.  It's not so good anymore.  I've got a big bruise on my foot and I just discovered one on my knee.  Clearly, I am a hot mess.

Who knew showering could be so dangerous?!

Has anyone else ever been injured while minding their own business?

Sad faces,
A

I can't make this stuff up.

I get to work this morning a few minutes before 8am and I am the only one there besides my boss.  As I open the front door, I hear it.  It's not a sound you'd expect before 8am.  What was it? Bagpipes.  The Red Hot Chili Pipers, to be exact.  Serious as a heart attack, yo.  It's too early for bagpipes.

I'm going to get a mega-sized cup of coffee now.

You're welcome,

A

Well, that would have been embarrassing...

Let's take just a moment to talk about how poorly I type.  I'm quick, but not so efficient sometimes.  Most of my typos are things that Spell Check doesn't catch, as they are real words, just not what I meant.

For instance, I was just sending an email for my boss and I was signing it Kind regards.  What did I accidentally type?  Kind retards.  Wayyyyyyy wrong.  I caught it before I hit send.  Close call!  I've also mistyped the phrase get it as get tit.  I've sent that before.  Not cool, self.  I think my most frequent mishap is the word thanks.  99% of the time it comes out THanks.  As if I'm signing my emails like I'm Tom Hanks.

Amazeballs.  via {here}

In other news, today happens to be a fellow blogger's birthday.  Everyone head on over to black,white & everything else and wish Ashley a very happy 23rd birthday!  Can I come to your tea party?  Ashley wrote a lovely post about Copper Alley awhile ago, and I was thrilled.

Kind retards regards,

A

Yesterday, my bank account cried.

My name is Allison, and I have a confession to make.

I am a shopaholic.  Whew, glad I got that off my chest.  Surprised?  You shouldn't be.

I've been trying to stay away from shopping temptations lately.  And by lately, I mean since last week.  Hey, give me some credit; I'm trying.  I went to Michael's last night after work to buy an ink pad for jewelry stuff.  You know, my business, Copper Alley.  Totally legit.  Well, Michael's has this magical section of $1 items.  I tried to keep myself from browsing, but I suddenly found myself picking up stationery and I was powerless to stop it.  And then I found these little things called "trinket trays" that were beyond adorable, monogrammed, and I thought they would make perfect coasters.  So, naturally, I bought 8 of them.  Give me a break, I bought 5 of them for Mommy Dearest.  I walked in intending to spend $6 on an ink pad...and I walked away with $24 worth of loot.  Oops.

Can you blame me?  How presh are these?!

I got a little obsessed with these.  A good southern gal always has a stash of cute "thank you" notes on hand.  It's the polite thing to do.

What's your guilty shopping pleasure?  Anything you can't resist?

Dolla dolla bill y'all,

A

Return of the Exes: 3D

My life is just one continuous stream of awkwardness.  And there was a lot of that this weekend, specifically awkwardness in the "dating" department.  I had a handful of exes pop back up.  Three, to be exact.

1. Golf Guy:  Now, I don't consider him an "ex" really, but he counts as someone that I had something with.  Specific, huh?  Things were going well (so I thought) back in early December and then he just fell off the face of the Earth.  I decided not to pursue him because I'm sick of the chase.  He knew where to find me if he was interested.  Needless to say, I didn't really hear from him.  He texted me his condolences on NYE about Granddaddy, which earned him some points in my book, but we hadn't really been talking since.  Well, Friday night, the BFFAE and I had a slumber party.  Mr. S (the BFFAE's BF) went out with Golf Guy (his BFF).  I received a text from Golf Guy that night, asking how our girls' night was going.  I can't say I was too surprised.  I was, however, a little irritated.  Dude...either you're interested or you're not.  I'm too old for this game.  I'm fragile.  And impatient.  We text-flirted for awhile, but that's basically the end of that.
2. BJ:  Let me give you a little history about BJ since I've never mentioned him.  I met BJ (his initials for the blog's sake, not his real name) the summer before 9th grade (2000) on a church retreat.  It was puppy love.  We spent the week holding hands, talking for hours on end, and just being generally adorable.  He lived at the beach, so we didn't do the "relationship" thing, but we definitely kept in touch and had major crushes on each other.  I had an AT&T calling card with 1,000 minutes on it and I used to call him and talk for hours at night.  This was before the days of cell phones, free long distance, and all that jazz.  I had strong feelings for him that didn't go away quickly.  We talked less frequently over the years, but every time we did talk, it was like no time had passed at all.  (I feel really childish writing this, but it was the closest thing I'd known to love at age 14.)  My junior year of high school, I called him and asked him if he would be my prom date.  I knew it was a long shot since he lived almost 5 hours away, but I thought he was so dreamy and couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather go to prom with.  He said he needed to check with his parents (they were divorced so he had to make sure it was ok on all fronts).  Before hanging up, he said, "I love you and I will call you tomorrow."  That was the last I ever heard from him.  Yes, I'm bitter about it.  I ended up going to prom with my gay friend, Justin, who was the best date ever.  Fast forward to 2007 when I'm living in Italy.  Guess who finds me on MySpace?!  BJ sent me a message and apologized for the way things had ended and I felt like I got a little closure.  Then, a few months later, he defriended me on MySpace because his girlfriend didn't want him talking to me.  Mature.  Recently, I found him and friended him on Facebook, just to see how life was going.  Ok, you caught me, I wanted to Facebook stalk him.  Happy?  Saturday night I got a Facebook message from BJ.  I stared at the icon on my phone just trying to imagine what in the world it would say.  Was it spam?  Did he actually have something to talk to me about?  Did his wife know he was contacting me (because yes, he got married last year)?  Would his wife care?  Why should she care?  Why did I care?  I finally opened the message and here's what it said: "Hey Girl....How about give me a call 843-***-****.....I need to get your address. I have something of yours that you gave me a long time ago and you may want it back.....BJ"  I knew immediately what it was: a ring.  Somehow he'd ended up with a silver ring of mine and apparently he still had it...after 11 years.  I summoned up the nerve to call him that night.  (I was a ball of nerves because I hadn't heard his voice in years, I didn't know what to say to him, I still harbor a little bitterness towards him, and I was afraid his wife would answer.  I'm lame.)  We talked for about half an hour and caught up with each other's life.  He said that he'd been keeping the ring and found it last week and wanted to send it back to me in case it held any sentimental value to me.  I was touched.  And I do want the ring back.  Want to see what he looks like?                                                                                  



I took this picture from his Facebook.  He's married, a cop, and has an adopted 7-year-old son.

3. CW:  CW was my first serious relationship.  I met him on a church mission trip called Salkehatchie (see a theme...).  We met the summer before my senior year of high school (2003) and started dating pretty much right away.  Again, this was a long distance thing (another unfortunate theme in my relationships). He lived about 3ish hours away and we both had cars, so it wasn't terrible.  He would come and spend the weekend at my house about every 6 weeks.  Doesn't sound like a lot, but it is when you're talking about being in high school and having your boyfriend come spend the weekend with you.  He was my first "real" love.  He wasn't the greatest boyfriend in the world, by he was mine.  He came to see me for Valentine's Day and wore a Piggly Wiggly t-shirt.  Not so classy.  The following summer, we we went back on the same mission trip.  (It was held in his hometown again so he was a volunteer.)  Four days before our 1 year anniversary, while he was less than 2 miles from the church where we spent the night, he dumped me over the phone.  I was heartbroken.  Couldn't function.  He said he just didn't love me anymore.  We continued to see each other throughout the week and I put on my brave face.  It also helped that I had a lot of guy friends on the trip and they made a point to talk about how great I was and how pretty I was right in front of him and he got pretty jealous.  We patched things up as far as the friendship went and ended on a better note.  We talked some over the years, mostly when he would call me when he was intoxicated.  I've since deleted his number from my phone, as I had no reason to call him.  Fast forward to this past Sunday morning.  I checked my phone when I woke up for church and I had received an inappropriate text from a number I didn't recognize.  What did the text say, you ask?  Well, it wasn't awful, but it was certainly creepy: "I want to f you."  Say what?!  I texted back and asked who it was.  I was thinking it was a wrong number or a friend playing a prank or just someone creepy that I would have to block immediately.  It was CW.  He responded and apologized.  Apparently, one of his friends had taken his phone and sent out random inappropriate texts.  We briefly texted back and forth about what we were up to these days and then said our goodbyes.  And I'm sure you want to see him, too, huh?                                                         



This is CW.  I don't really know what to say about him. 

So that was the awkwardness of my weekend.  And I saw Black Swan.  It was maybe the most disturbing movie I've ever seen, and I've seen some really disturbing movies.  (My cousin forced me to watch Faces of Death.  Google it if you dare.)  I left the theater feeling really uncomfortable and anxious.  And confused.

Creepy.

Awkward snuggles,
A

What's your sign?

So a co-worker just showed me this article on MSN and I'm not happy.  According to the article, I am no longer a Scorpio and I am now a Libra.  Sorry, that just doesn't work for me.  I'm not big into astrology, but I do think it has its ways in shaping people.

I am NOT a Libra:

• Love of justice, combined with the need to be fair and even-handed (On the right track, but not to that extreme.  Nope.)
• Rarely lazy (Ha! Moving on...) 
• Extremely positive and decisive in all their thoughts and actions (Have we met?!  I'm so indecisive and I'm not exactly Ms. Patty Positive.  Neeeeext.)
• Generally seen at their best when acting on first impressions (As one of the most awkward people on the planet, it is clear to me that this is false.  And as someone who rarely ever goes on a second date...I think I've proven my point on this.)
• Fear is usually well controlled so the typical representatives of this sign usually looks calm, collected, and in charge of the situation (Calm?  Collected?  Not me.)
• Their symbol is balance (And I have none of that.)
• Very good at science (I was an Art History major for a reason.)

I AM a Scorpio:

• Their worst fault is that they are too adaptable to the people with whom they come in contact (Bingo!  That's me.)
• One of their main problems is that they have a habit to "put off things until tomorrow" (Oops, right again.)
• Relationships are a kind of mystery for them (Maaaaaybe...)
• Love is an intensely passionate and enduring emotion that may be directed at one person only (Monogamy all the way.)
• Rarely display their true feelings even at the most open and communicative moments (Guilty again...but I'm working on that.)
• Usually persons born in this sign have, or make, two sources of income (Right on the money! *chuckle*)

Descriptions courtesy of here.

How do you feel about your zodiac?  Does it accurately describe you?  Does the new system describe you better?  I'd love to hear!

Scorpion kisses,

A

Brrrrr, it's cold in here. There must be some Toros in the atmosphere.

Name the movie that quote is from and I'll give you $5.  Well, maybe not $5, but I'll give you a virtual high five and tell everyone how cool you are.

Let's do a recap of my past few weeks, shall we?  We shall.

December 23:  Daddy had knee and ankle surgery.  All went well, as planned, and he came home that night.  He's a terrible patient and refused to take his pain meds, which led to him being a pain in my ass.  Kinda.  He was alright except for his grumpy spells.  We also got a call that Granddaddy had been admitted to the hospital and wasn't doing very well.

December 24:  Christmas Eve!  I usually look forward to our church service, but this year left a lot to be desired.  Normally, everyone comes and it's a time of celebration and reconnection, as it should be.  This year, our minister decided to do a "drop-in" style "service."  This meant that you could drop in anytime within a 2-hour span, pray and meditate to yourself, and be served Communion.  The end.  There was no meaning, no joy, no hymns, no fellowship.  It didn't feel like Christmas and I didn't like it.  Bah humbug.  Also, my parents didn't put up a tree this year.  Daddy's surgery threw a wrench in things, so Mommy Dearest bought  fern-esque plant to take the place of a tree.  I bought lights because it looked too depressing without them.

Oh, Christmas tree fern?

December 25:  Merry Christmas!  Usually, my parents and I all gather in their living room (with the tree) to open presents and stockings together.  Things were different this year.  No stockings.  No tree.  Just a fern-y thing on the table in the den (near Daddy's recliner aka bed since surgery).  I had taken the time to wrap presents for my parents and brought everything into the den.  Mommy Dearest hands me a Rubbermaid tub with stuff in it.  That's how she gift-wrapped this year.  (To be fair, she'd been sick and dealing with Daddy as a "patient" so I wasn't expecting superb wrapping, but I was hoping for a notch above a clear plastic tub.)  I got some tops from Old Navy and TJ Maxx, monogrammed silver bracelet and necklace, some other pretty jewelry, a Michael Kors red peacoat, and some tools for my business (Copper Alley).  Now, it is our tradition to go to the movies on Christmas night and see a movie as a family.  (No, we aren't Jewish, but I almost was.)  This is the one time each year where we do this.  Daddy doesn't like movies much, but it's tradition.  This year, we left him at home since he was on crutches and it was snowing.

For the first time in 63 years, we had a white Christmas.

Mommy Dearest and I decided that we wanted to see "How Do You Know."  She's not the best or most confident driver at night or in bad weather, so she asked me to drive her 1992 Volvo.  We were about 2 miles from home (on the way to the movies) in the right lane.  An Expedition was a little ahead of us in the left lane.  All of a sudden, the Expedition's driver decided to turn right from the left lane with no signal and I knew it was going to be bad.  I attempted to swerve right into the parking lot beside me but I couldn't do it without hitting the telephone pole, so I hit the Expedition.  Totaled the Volvo.  Luckily, everyone was alright, but Mommy Dearest was not happy.  Merry Christmas...  We didn't ever see the movie.

Princess Fiona was fascinated to watch the snow fall.

Pretty kitty.

December 26-December 30:  This was a blur, so I'm not really sure.

December 31:  This happened. 

January 1-2:  This happened. 

January 3:  I returned to work and pretended to be normal.

On that Wednesday, I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck and stayed home from work.  I went to the doctor that night and was told I had a flu-like virus.  Awesome.  I stayed home from work on Thursday, too, because I still had a fever and felt awful.  I went back to work on Friday and resumed life as usual.  

In the wee hours of Monday morning, we were hit by Snowstorm 2011.  

This is what it looks like when it snows in the South.

The roads are dreadful and I hate having to drive to work.

That's all I have for you right now.  Leave me comments and tell me how awesome I am.  Or not.  But seriously, leave comments.  Please.  I like to know that I'm not just sending all of this out into the internet-space-land for no one to read.

Snowy snuggles,

A

My hero

My Granddaddy's funeral service was a goOd one, if that's possible to say about a funeral. It was a celebration of his wonderful 91 years of life. My Daddy spoke and told stories that perfectly illustrated Granddaddy's kind heart, generous spirit, and consistently positive attitude.
Granddaddy had a younger sister named Betty, whom he loved very much. When he was a little boy, he decided to do something nice for Betty. He took his little red wagon down to the local sawmill and collected scraps of wood. Then, he hauled his wagon down to the site of a house that had recently burned down and he collected nails. He made his way home with his collection of supplies and he built Betty a playhouse. All because he loved her and wanted to make her smile.
Granddaddy always looked for the good in everyone and everything. He never spoke an unkind word to or about anyone. He owned a salvage yard and car repair business, and he never turned away anyone who needed work. This meant that he employed his fair share of drunks, liars, and riff-raff. He never chastised them for their behavior. He simply believed in them and encouraged them to be better people. He was truly the best man ever. He was always there to lend a hand to those in need and never passed judgement, no matter how bad the circumstances. I always knew that I had his unquestioning support in everything I did, as did those around him.
Seventy-one years ago, my Granddaddy set his sights upon my Grandmother. He knew that if he wanted to spend time with her, he'd have to win over her mother, and that he did. At the time, Granddaddy owned and ran a service station in Georgia. This meant that he didn't get off work until around 10pm every night. This meant that my Grandmother had to wait u till late at night to spend time with him. They were engaged to be married and planned to we'd after her 19th birthday. One day, she'd had enough. She told him that she
was sick of waiting up for him every night and told him they'd just have to move the wedding up. They got married 3 days before her 19th birthday, on January 6, 1940.


Granddaddy, I love you and I miss you.

A

My Granddaddy.

Grandmother and Granddaddy.  January 6, 2011 would have been their 71st wedding anniversary.

Granddaddy and Great-Uncle Malone (Grandmother's brother) were born 5 years and 1 day apart, and they passed away only 7 hours apart from each other.

I love that man.

Celebrating his 91st birthday back in August.

I miss him.

He died.  Granddaddy died.  And I found out via Facebook.

Let's rewind.  On New Year's Eve morning, my parents decided that they were going to drive down to Alabama to be with the family and go see Granddaddy in the hospital.  I wanted to go with them, but I had to babysit that night for a few hours and I wasn't feeling so stellar.  My parents left in the afternoon and made their way down.  I checked in throughout the day to see if they had any updates.  He wasn't doing well at all.  They'd found fluid in his lung and were going to try to remove it to ease his breathing.  I prayed all day that he would recover and be able to ring in the new year with us.  I arrived at my babysitting destination at 5:40pm.  The couple was going to an early dinner and said they'd be home around 8:30pm.  I called Mommy Dearest around 7:15pm to see if they'd made it to Alabama and if they had any news.  I asked how Granddaddy was doing and Mommy Dearest hesitantly replied that he wasn't doing well.  I texted back and forth with BFFAE about tentative plans for the night.  After babysitting, I was planning on going home, changing clothes, and heading to her house.  I put the little boys to bed went downstairs to the living room a few minutes before 8pm.  I knew I had some time to kill before the couple got home, so I started browsing Facebook on my Blackberry.  Everyone's status seemed to be about their plans for the evening and wishing everyone else a Happy New Year.  Then I saw it.  My cousin's wife had posted the sentence that I've been dreading my whole life, particularly this past week: Cynthina is ringing in the new year with a heavy heart.  Claude (Jason's Granddaddy) passed away today.  My heart sank, I burst into tears, and I almost threw up.  I immediately called Mommy Dearest.  She answered the phone and all I could say was, "He died, and no one told me??"  As it turns out, she had called BFFAE and filled her in.  The plan was for Mommy Dearest to call me once I got to BFFAE's house so that I wouldn't be alone when I got the news.  Well, thanks to technology, that plan failed.  My parents had been a few miles away from the hospital at 5:43pm when they got the call that Granddaddy had left us.  They opted not to remove the fluid from his lung because his body couldn't take the strain and they didn't want to cause him any unnecessary suffering.  I spent NYE alternating between crying, rationalizing that things happen for a reason and that he's in a better place now, being angry that I wasn't there, and trying to pack clothes for everyone to wear to the funeral.  Unfortunately, my good friend Harley Chick's Grandpa had just been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer and died the same day.  And my Grandmother's brother that had been placed in the care of Hospice passed away at 1am on New Year's Day.

I need some time to catch my breath on this one, plus I may or may not have started crying while writing this.

To be continued....

A