Return of the Exes: 3D

My life is just one continuous stream of awkwardness.  And there was a lot of that this weekend, specifically awkwardness in the "dating" department.  I had a handful of exes pop back up.  Three, to be exact.

1. Golf Guy:  Now, I don't consider him an "ex" really, but he counts as someone that I had something with.  Specific, huh?  Things were going well (so I thought) back in early December and then he just fell off the face of the Earth.  I decided not to pursue him because I'm sick of the chase.  He knew where to find me if he was interested.  Needless to say, I didn't really hear from him.  He texted me his condolences on NYE about Granddaddy, which earned him some points in my book, but we hadn't really been talking since.  Well, Friday night, the BFFAE and I had a slumber party.  Mr. S (the BFFAE's BF) went out with Golf Guy (his BFF).  I received a text from Golf Guy that night, asking how our girls' night was going.  I can't say I was too surprised.  I was, however, a little irritated.  Dude...either you're interested or you're not.  I'm too old for this game.  I'm fragile.  And impatient.  We text-flirted for awhile, but that's basically the end of that.
2. BJ:  Let me give you a little history about BJ since I've never mentioned him.  I met BJ (his initials for the blog's sake, not his real name) the summer before 9th grade (2000) on a church retreat.  It was puppy love.  We spent the week holding hands, talking for hours on end, and just being generally adorable.  He lived at the beach, so we didn't do the "relationship" thing, but we definitely kept in touch and had major crushes on each other.  I had an AT&T calling card with 1,000 minutes on it and I used to call him and talk for hours at night.  This was before the days of cell phones, free long distance, and all that jazz.  I had strong feelings for him that didn't go away quickly.  We talked less frequently over the years, but every time we did talk, it was like no time had passed at all.  (I feel really childish writing this, but it was the closest thing I'd known to love at age 14.)  My junior year of high school, I called him and asked him if he would be my prom date.  I knew it was a long shot since he lived almost 5 hours away, but I thought he was so dreamy and couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather go to prom with.  He said he needed to check with his parents (they were divorced so he had to make sure it was ok on all fronts).  Before hanging up, he said, "I love you and I will call you tomorrow."  That was the last I ever heard from him.  Yes, I'm bitter about it.  I ended up going to prom with my gay friend, Justin, who was the best date ever.  Fast forward to 2007 when I'm living in Italy.  Guess who finds me on MySpace?!  BJ sent me a message and apologized for the way things had ended and I felt like I got a little closure.  Then, a few months later, he defriended me on MySpace because his girlfriend didn't want him talking to me.  Mature.  Recently, I found him and friended him on Facebook, just to see how life was going.  Ok, you caught me, I wanted to Facebook stalk him.  Happy?  Saturday night I got a Facebook message from BJ.  I stared at the icon on my phone just trying to imagine what in the world it would say.  Was it spam?  Did he actually have something to talk to me about?  Did his wife know he was contacting me (because yes, he got married last year)?  Would his wife care?  Why should she care?  Why did I care?  I finally opened the message and here's what it said: "Hey Girl....How about give me a call 843-***-****.....I need to get your address. I have something of yours that you gave me a long time ago and you may want it back.....BJ"  I knew immediately what it was: a ring.  Somehow he'd ended up with a silver ring of mine and apparently he still had it...after 11 years.  I summoned up the nerve to call him that night.  (I was a ball of nerves because I hadn't heard his voice in years, I didn't know what to say to him, I still harbor a little bitterness towards him, and I was afraid his wife would answer.  I'm lame.)  We talked for about half an hour and caught up with each other's life.  He said that he'd been keeping the ring and found it last week and wanted to send it back to me in case it held any sentimental value to me.  I was touched.  And I do want the ring back.  Want to see what he looks like?                                                                                  



I took this picture from his Facebook.  He's married, a cop, and has an adopted 7-year-old son.

3. CW:  CW was my first serious relationship.  I met him on a church mission trip called Salkehatchie (see a theme...).  We met the summer before my senior year of high school (2003) and started dating pretty much right away.  Again, this was a long distance thing (another unfortunate theme in my relationships). He lived about 3ish hours away and we both had cars, so it wasn't terrible.  He would come and spend the weekend at my house about every 6 weeks.  Doesn't sound like a lot, but it is when you're talking about being in high school and having your boyfriend come spend the weekend with you.  He was my first "real" love.  He wasn't the greatest boyfriend in the world, by he was mine.  He came to see me for Valentine's Day and wore a Piggly Wiggly t-shirt.  Not so classy.  The following summer, we we went back on the same mission trip.  (It was held in his hometown again so he was a volunteer.)  Four days before our 1 year anniversary, while he was less than 2 miles from the church where we spent the night, he dumped me over the phone.  I was heartbroken.  Couldn't function.  He said he just didn't love me anymore.  We continued to see each other throughout the week and I put on my brave face.  It also helped that I had a lot of guy friends on the trip and they made a point to talk about how great I was and how pretty I was right in front of him and he got pretty jealous.  We patched things up as far as the friendship went and ended on a better note.  We talked some over the years, mostly when he would call me when he was intoxicated.  I've since deleted his number from my phone, as I had no reason to call him.  Fast forward to this past Sunday morning.  I checked my phone when I woke up for church and I had received an inappropriate text from a number I didn't recognize.  What did the text say, you ask?  Well, it wasn't awful, but it was certainly creepy: "I want to f you."  Say what?!  I texted back and asked who it was.  I was thinking it was a wrong number or a friend playing a prank or just someone creepy that I would have to block immediately.  It was CW.  He responded and apologized.  Apparently, one of his friends had taken his phone and sent out random inappropriate texts.  We briefly texted back and forth about what we were up to these days and then said our goodbyes.  And I'm sure you want to see him, too, huh?                                                         



This is CW.  I don't really know what to say about him. 

So that was the awkwardness of my weekend.  And I saw Black Swan.  It was maybe the most disturbing movie I've ever seen, and I've seen some really disturbing movies.  (My cousin forced me to watch Faces of Death.  Google it if you dare.)  I left the theater feeling really uncomfortable and anxious.  And confused.

Creepy.

Awkward snuggles,
A

I take dating advice from children and that does not make me creepy.

I realize that I haven't really had anything exciting to blog about lately. Hence the posts about pie. Tonight, I actually have a funny story to share. Sit back and enjoy.

I'm sure you've realized by now that I'm a babysitter extraordinaire. Thursday night, I had the pleasure of spending time with two of my favorite little girls, Ellie Belle and Pookie. (Those are not their real names, but that's what I call them and that's what matters.) Today is Ellie Belle's 6th birthday. Happy birthday, Ellie Belle! Last night, EB casually mentioned her "boyfriend" in conversation.
Moi: So, is your boyfriend Spencer cute?
EB: Hes funny. That's what really matters.

True statement!

Moi: How do I get a boyfriend like you?
EB: You just have to wrestle with him. Then he'll want to be your boyfriend for sure. At school, I talk about how Spencer and I are going to get married.
Moi: What does Spencer think about that? (If I mention anything even remotely close to marriage to a guy, he runs for the border, changes his number, and sells his identity on Craigslist to the first bidder. Or he suddenly remembers that he's Jewish and has a deep-seeded fear of commitment and breaks up with me over the phone while I'm on vacation. I'm lucky like that.)
EB: He wants to marry me, too.
Moi: How did you get him to want to marry you already?
EB: You just have to wrestle with a boy like a hundred times and then he'll definitely agree to marry you.

Ooohhhhhh, so that's how you do it. Clearly it is easier when you're 5. When I asked her the best place to wrestle, she told me that you're only supposed to wrestle outside. If only I could make Ellie Belle's plan work for me. I have a feeling that I'd have very different results. By my tone, I'm sure you can tell that things with Golf Guy aren't exactly going as I'd hoped. I'm not really ready to get into all that and I don't want to make assumptions about it, but I'll probably share it all in another post.

Pookie is 3, and she is a firecracker. She calls me Alicagain. I've been called much worse. She got a "big girl bed" last week. It's not your standard twin size bed that kids usually transition to after a crib; it's a legit full size bed. I put her in her jammies, read her bedtime stories, tucked her in, turned off her lights and left her so I could put Ellie Belle to bed. I hear her calling out for her Mommy, so I go back in and check on her. I was caught by surprise when I opened the door. The lights were on, her jammies were in the corner, her diaper was on the floor, and she was standing naked as a jaybird in the middle of the bed. I asked her what had happened and she shrugged and said "I dunno." Priceless.

Ellie Belle kept getting out of bed and told me that she was just too excited about her birthday to be able to sleep. I told her that if she didn't go to sleep, she would never turn 6. She immediately said goodnight and stayed in bed the rest of the night. Lies work like a charm. I'm going to be such a great mom...in like 20 years. If I can ever find a boy to wrestle with and rope into marrying me. That seems very unlikely.

In other news, I bought Princess Fiona some light-up reindeer antlers. I'll get pictures of that soon. That may be a contributing factor in my singleness.

Hugs,
A

Touching your junk is rude, and so is ignoring my texts.

I must get this off of my chest...

My boss, bless his heart, has a terrible habit that makes me want to gauge out my eyeballs and run away screaming.  I hear you asking, "what could be so terrible?"  The man scratches his man-business all the time!  It has to be some major junk issue, because it's out of control.  He does it when he stands in front of my desk to talk to me...when his junk is at eye-level for me.  Inappropriate.  I clearly can't say anything.  What's a girl to do??

On another crotch-related note, Victoria's Secret has a sale on panties.  They are running a 7/$25 special on certain styles.  Check it out here!  Just just the promo code VS7PANTY when you check out.  [I just made myself a little uncomfortable talking about my boss's crotch and my crotch in the same post.  Please excuse me while I go vom.  Kthanks.]

I just checked my tracking number for FedEx for my iPad and it has been delivered!!  I can't wait to get home and play.  This will be my first Mac, other than my iPod, and my first touch screen so it's going to take some getting used to.  I think I can handle it.

Let's chat about men/Golf Guy.  I thought that he'd lost interest after my birthday festivities, and I tried to cope with that.  I'd texted him a few times with no response so I figured I should take a hint.  Last week, I get a random text from him asking if I would like to go with him to Atlanta to the Falcons game that Sunday.  Yes please!  Except I have to lead youth on Sundays.  Boo.  BFFAE and Mr. S invited me to go to a relatively new bar with them on Saturday night and I decided I should make the effort to be sociable.  (Mainly because I thought Golf Guy would be there.)  We exchanged texts and he had decided to stay home since he's partied a little too hard the night before.  We've been exchanging some flirty texts since then, and I really do like him.  However, he goes all "guy" on me.  One day he's texting and flirting and talking up a storm.  The next day...nada.  Can someone explain this to me?  I'd really love to hang out soon, but I refuse to be the pushy girl again.  I seem to always be enthusiastic about the possibility of a new romance, and I always get burned in the end.  Here's hoping I stick to my guns.  (Metaphorical guns.  Carrying around actual guns would be a bad plan.  Unless you live in Texas.  I hear children carry six-shooters in Texas.  Remind me to visit Texas someday.)  Seriously though...any advice?

Is it 5o'clock yet?

Winks and LOLs,
A

If I Die Young

"If I die young, bury me in satin,

Lay me down on a bed of roses,

Sink me in the river at dawn,

Send away with the words of a love song."

The Band Perry {here}

Let me just start this off my saying that I have an unhealthy obsession with this song.  I've listened to it on repeat basically all day.  I just think it's beautiful, and I love the video.  So, enjoy.

Now, moving on to the real reason you're here...to hear about my weekend.  I know you're dying to know how the birthday festivities went, so I'll tell you.  They were pretty awesome.  Friday (Birthday Eve), the BFFAE planned a dinner with friends.  It was a great group, and I felt like the coolest kid in town.  After dinner, we went bar-hopping downtown.  The group quickly dwindled because most everyone there had to work the next day.  (I'm very glad that I don't work on Saturdays anymore).  I spent the rest of the night with the BFFAE, BFFAE's BF Mr. S, and BFFAE's BF's BFF Golf Guy.  BFFAE was trying to set me up with Golf Guy, and I was cool with that.  He seems like a great guy and we'd had some pretty great conversations via text and Facebook before we actually met.  Apparently, I'm more appealing through the interwebs, because he seems disinterested since Friday night.  Clearly, this is the story of my life.  (I saw him Monday night at Name That Tune and he just seemed distant.  His loss, right?)

These good lookin' people are my friends.

Mr. S, Moi, and Golf Guy.  (This was taken with my Blackberry because Mr. S accidentally dropped and broke my digital camera.  Sad day.)

I love my BFFAE.

Saturday night, I went to SK's annual Halloween party.  I was dressed in all of my Gaga glory.  It was a good time.  I got to hang out with some good friends and look silly.  Winning combination.

This is not my Poker Face.

SK is a hot witch.

Gaga with MT (biker chick).  Gotta love self portrait shots.

I got mostly dolla dolla bills for my birthday, so needless to say, the cash is burning a hole in my pocketbook. No seriously, I smell smoke.  I've pretty much decided that I'm going to buy an iPad.  My cousin can get me a slight discount, so I think I'm gonna do it.  My palms itch just thinking about it.

I talked to Little today and I'm getting so excited about her wedding.  October 1, 2011!  I cried when I saw her in her dress.  Tears of joy rolling down my face while I was sitting at my desk, pretending to work.  I couldn't be any happier for her!

Warm snuggle hugs,

A

PS- What do you think of my new blog look?  Do you like it???