Hi-yah!

Do you ever get really annoyed with someone and just want to karate chop them in the throat? Like really hard. Knock the stupid right out of their mouth. I have a growing list of people to karate chop. I'm in an extremely foul mood right now because of these people. Especially the cranky ones that bust up into my day and ask me what my problem is. Excuse me? I didn't have a problem until you started accusing me of having one. Thanks for making me cranky. And now that I'm thinking about it, I have a few things that are really chapping my ass. I won't go into detail because I need to cut my rage short if I want to have any chance of sleeping tonight. You, my lovely readers, are not on my karate chop list. Because you are awesome.

Grrrrrr,
A

Lessons in customer service etiquette. And maybe some conjunctivitis, because that's sexy.

I don't know what the weather is like where y'all live, but it's nasty here.  Cold, wet, and icky.  This weather affects my mood and makes me a wee bit cranky.  And bitter.  And freaking cold.  Although cold isn't an emotion...shut up.

On my lunch break, I decided to stop by the gas station and get some of the nectar of the gods Dr. Pepper.  I was like the third person in a long check-out line.  The woman running the register had the IQ of a potato chip.  She had 14-inch-long fingernails that looked like she was vying for a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Well, maybe not quite that long.  How does she wipe her own arse?  {here}

Somehow, she manages to close her register.  She has no clue how it happened and no clue how to fix it.  Like zip, zilch, nada.  Dumber than potato chips.  She then informs everyone in line that we should probably leave because she wasn't going to be able to do anything.  Really?!  If you own a business that hires cashiers, here are a few ground rules you should probably follow:

1. Never hire anyone who is not capable of operating a register.  After all, that is their main task.
2. If you are dumb enough to hire someone who is not capable of operating said register, never allow them to work a shift alone.
3. Don't hire people with potato chip IQs.

Needless to say, I left empty-handed.  She seems like the type of person who spells Nancy with an "S."  Stupid people should not be allowed to breed.  I, clearly, would be allowed to have infinite amounts of babies, because I am not one of those people.  (Shut up.)  

I mentioned in my last post that I did quite a bit of shopping on Black Friday.  I received a phone call from my bank last night alerting me that I might have someone fraudulently using my account.  Yikes!  As instructed, I called the fraud customer service line and try to get to the bottom of this.  She said that there had been an abnormal amount of activity on my account in the past few days and they needed to verify that the transactions were indeed mine.  A hold had been placed on my account just to be safe.  Okay...  She reads off a seemingly endless list of transactions.  All of them were mine.  She judged me.  I politely explained to her that there were bazillions of sales this weekend, as it is one of the busiest shopping weekends of the whole year.  I was obviously buying Christmas presents for all of the wonderful people in my life useless stuff for myself.  Tis the season, lady.  She still judged me and suggested that I not do that again.  After all, if I was spending at such a rapid pace that it would suggest fraud, that might be a problem.  She's jealous that I didn't buy her anything on Black Friday.

I think I may be coming down with a sweet case of pink eye.  Aren't I too old for this?  Let's all say a prayer that I just have itchy eyeballs.  Better yet, let's pray that my eyeballs stop itching all together.  I like that plan better.

Amen,

A

Turkeys, babies, sales, and Staph...That's what the holidays are all about!

Sorry for the hiatus.  I've had a busy holiday weekend.  I hope everyone had a (ful)filling Thanksgiving!  Here's a recap of the festivities:
After work on Wednesday, my parents and I drove down to Alabama to my grandparents' house.  Thursday morning was a flurry of yummy dishes being prepared and family arriving.  Take a look at this impressive Turkey Day spread!

Soak it all in.  

From L to R: (top row) cranberry sauce, deviled eggs, mac and cheese, dressing, (bottom row) cranberry salad, squash casserole, sweet potato souffle, and black-eyed peas

From L to R: (top row) cornbread, mashed sweet potatoes, carrots and green beans, mashed potatoes, (bottom row) blueberry salad, and sweet potatoes with pineapple

My plate from Round 1.  (We won't discuss Round 2.)  Nom nom nom.

The dessert table: chocolate cake, pumpkin cheesecake, coconut pie, peanut butter pie, pumpkin pie, brownies, more brownies, and other yummies.

It was a ton of food, but that's what you need to feed 23 people.  It was totally worth all of the calories.  After lunch, I played outside with the little ones.

Swing low.

Lovin on baby sister.

Their smiles melt my heart.

Big girls discussing big girl things, like what's in their purses.  After this, they sneaked off to the bathroom to write in their journals.  Divas.

Look at this precious nugget!

We drove home from Alabama after lunch on Thanksgiving.  After we made it home, Mommy Dearest and I were looking at the sale papers and I was coming up with a game plan.  We were watching the 11o'clock news and I heard them say that Old Navy was opening at midnight.  I perused their sale paper and decided that I needed some $5 pajama pants.  Mommy Dearest decided to go to bed and I headed out the door like a moron to go stand in line in the cold at midnight to get into Old Navy.  Yes, I realize the absurdity in this, but I had nothing better to do and I really needed some pajama pants.  I got in and grabbed everything in sight what I needed and proceeded to wait in the check-out line for almost an hour.  I should have expected this, but all the crazies were out, and some of them were standing behind me in line.  There were 2 young couples behind me, and they were just a touch redneck.  I was surprised to see full sets of teeth.  One of the girls was preggers and I overheard her say her due date was the next day.  I swear, I was going to have to flip my shit if her water broke all over me and my new pajamas.  It would have been on the news the next day, next to the headlines of people being trampled to death at Walmart.  Here's a snip-it of a conversation I heard between Girl #2 and Boy #1 (prepare yourself):

Girl #2:  Did I tell you that I had to go to the hospital th'other day?

Boy #1:  Nah, man.  What did you do this time?

Girl #2:  I had a boil on my leg, right in my crotch crease.  I had t'get it lanced.

Boy #1:  I'd've stuck it for ya!  What was in it?

Girl #2:  It was all full up with infection.  Like MRSA and Staph and stuff.  I gotta keep gauze on it though because it's still leakin.

Holy geeze.  Get out of Old Navy!  Stop touching things!  Take your MRSA and Staph and go on somewhere.  Dirty people.  I threw up in my mouth a little.  

I got home from Old Navy and took a little snooze, then Mommy Dearest and I were out among the crazy Black Friday shoppers.  Here's my loot list:

• Pajama pants and sweaters (Old Navy)
• DVDs and a Shark steam mop (Target)
• Glee and Mariah Christmas CDs and Michael Kors pea coat (Costco)
• New pillows for my bed (Sam's Club)
• Cute top and sweater (TJ Maxx)
• Make-up (Ulta)
• DVDs (Best Buy online)

I think I did pretty well for myself.  Did anyone else do any Black Friday shopping?  What did you score?

Cyber Monday hugs,

A

PS- I heard that some of my lovely readers were having trouble viewing the pictures of Princess Fiona's birthday, so I reloaded them.  Hope that helps!

S, as in Nancy.

I don't like stupid people.  I was on dumbass overload yesterday.  Dumbassness everywhere.  I had to call a freight provider about an invoicing error.  On my invoice it said, "Call 1-888-HELPME (or something like that) and ask for Heath," so I did.  Here's how that went down:

Dumbass: May I help you?

Moi:  Yes, may I speak with Heath?

Dumbass:  Huh?  Who?

Moi:  Um...Heath, please.  The note on my invoice says to call Heath with questions.

Dumbass:  I don't know who that is.  Do you have a quote number to reference?

Moi:  I sure do.  It's FNL2938747220.

Dumbass:  S, as in Nancy?

Moi:  Uhhh...F, as in Frank...

How about S, as in no stupid, Nancy starts with an N, so maybe you should go back to school to learn how to spell and stop ruining my morning with your dumbassness.  Did that just happen?  Yes, Snancy, it just did.

Snancy says she will talk to you later,

A

OMGSHUZ

Both All of my readers probably know about my jewelry business, Copper Alley.  Check out the link to see more of my goodies.  Here is the latest piece I made.  It was a custom order through The Pink Monogram.

jFm monogram [2" circle pendant on an 18" split copper chain]

Speaking of feet...oh, wait, we weren't talking about feet... Now we are.  Speaking of feet, I went to see the doctor yesterday about my foot.  Turns out that my foot is healing really well.  Ankle...not so much.  My ankle has continued to be achy and very swollen.  I've got an ankle muffin-top lapping over my shoe.  No lie.  Doc says I might have torn cartilage in my ankle.  Really, Doc?  I go back at the end of December to reevaluate.  Bummer.  Here's an exciting update...I'm not stuck wearing the Reebok Easy Tones anymore!  (I've been wearing the Reeboks with a hard graphite insert in my right shoe since October 26.  Prior to that, I was in a Reebok on the left and a boot on the right (since August 30).  What kicks am I rockin' now?

{here}

I bought these Dansko look-a-likes, by Italian Shoemakers (from Off Broadway Shoes).  I may be the only blasphemous female on the planet that hates the way Danskos fit.  They are too loose in the heel region for me, and I realize that's probably why most people like them.  Not me.  I feel like I am going to step out of them at any given time.  These lovelies, however, are a littler slimmer and I love them.  I bought them in black.  Hooray for shoes!

I saw a license plate the other day that said: OMGSHUZ.  Love it.

That's all I have to say about that, Forrest Gump.

Kbye,

A

Happy Birthday, Princess Fiona!

I am officially 47 notches higher on the Crazy Cat Lady Scale.  In honor of Princess Fiona's 1st birthday, I decided she needed a birthday hat.  They don't make these for cats.  (I checked Petsmart.)  I ventured out to A.C.Moore to buy some crafting supplies to make her a hat, because let's face it, that's what I do.  As I walked in the store, I passed the Salvation Army bell-ringer man.  I politely said hi, and he looked at me kinda strange.  He asked if I was a teacher, to which I asked if I looked like a teacher.  He said he wasn't sure, but why else would I be coming to the craft store?  I told him I was getting birthday supplies for a friend.  I didn't feel like explaining that I was actually there to buy felt to make my cat a birthday hat...for obvious reasons.  Some people just don't understand.

I got home and constructed a pretty sweet hat for the fur baby.  Here she is!

Looks like the birthday girl celebrated a little too hard...

Some days I wish I'd never been adopted...

Getting acquainted with her new toy.

Nom nom nom.

A diva is a female version of a hustler.

She better like that damn birthday hat, because I burnt the tip of my pinkie off with hot glue.

Later gators,

A

Furry underwear and homemade streamers always make the day better.

I survived the weekend in Gatlinburg and I decided that it is truly the Myrtle Beach of Tennessee.  [I love the Dirty Myrtle, so check yourself before you wreck yourself on that one.]  Here's my recap:
Mommy Dearest and I went to Gatlinburg for the weekend to attend The Norton Show (a wholesale jewelry and accessories expo) for my business, Copper Alley.  Needless to say, we saw some pretty interesting things.

A one-eyed, one-horn,  flying purple people eater.  A purple fur bikini, for all those classy ladies out there.

And a fur jock strap for the gents.  Don't worry guys, they didn't forget about you.

And don't worry.  It has a tail.  'Coon skin hats are so last year.  The future is clearly in 'coon skin junk holders.

I managed to resist the fur, but I did walk away with some nice jewels.  I'll post pictures later when I get the chance to create some things with my new supplies.  Mommy Dearest and I also decided to drive/walk around town and soak in the local culture.

It's Christmas 24/7 in Gatlinburg.

[Silence] Dubya Tee Eff. Someone call Hoarders.  This storefront is ridic.

Winning combination.  Why didn't I think of that?

Fall foliage.

Good ole Rocky Top.

Today is a very important day, and you should all mark it on your calendars so that you remember next year.  Today is Her Highness, Princess Fiona's 1st birthday.  We will obviously be celebrating tonight so I will have pictures of that tomorrow.  However, here she is inside her favorite shopping bag.

Can I help you?

And here is the scene I came home to at lunch today:

Buttface had unrolled and entire roll of paper towels and opened the toaster oven.  She clearly didn't trust me to decorate for her party, so she decided to get to work on the homemade streamers herself.  And attempt to bake a cake in the toaster oven.  Apparently, she opened the oven and then remembered that she doesn't know how to bake cakes.  Silly Fiona.

'Coon skin covered hearts,

A