All of my clothes are made of girlfriend material. *bah-dum-ching*

Staying true to myself, I had an awkward Friday night.  Here's where you're supposed to act shocked.


Friday was my friend Mojo's birthday.  A big group of girls went out downtown to celebrate, but in true Mojo fashion, the birthday girl finally showed up around 11:30pm.  That's about the time that this carriage turns into a pumpkin.  While the BFFAE and I were waiting on Mojo and the rest of the group to get there, I decided to make my way up to the bar and order some drinks for us.  I'm standing at the bar, squeezed between a very large man and a very drunk woman, patiently waiting on my drinks and my change.  Y'all, that drunk lady started leaning all of her weight on me, and smushes me up against the large man.  Then, she starts petting my hair.  No ma'am.  Nice awkward way to start the evening.

Everyone finally arrives and we are all standing at the bar talking and watching the NCAA games highlights.  A sketchy looking dude with chrome-plated sunglasses comes up and stands near me.  I can feel him staring and I just know that he's going to try to strike up some awkward conversation.  I try to ignore him.  He's persistent.  "Excuse me, do they serve beer here?"  Really?  You just asked me if they serve beer in a bar. You can't do any better than that??  I can come up with at least five cheesy pick-up lines that are better than that.

1. Did it hurt? [Did what hurt?] When you fell from Heaven...
2. Do you work for UPS? [No, why?] Because I could have sworn you were just checking out my package...
3. If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
4. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock.
5. If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me? {Thank you, B. Spears.}

Mojo decides that she wants to head to another bar.  Unfortunately, it's one of the shadier bars.  You know, the kind that isn't afraid to server minors with fake IDs.  That kind.  We run into her ex and his friends.  Oh, joy.  At last call, the BFFAE and I make our way to the bathroom.  We see this guy that looks really familiar and we realize that we went to high school with him.  He has always been on the goth side and a little socially awkward.  (This is where I up my level of awkward.)  We made small talk and he politely said goodbye and reached for the door to the Men's Restroom.  You know when you hear words coming out of your mouth and you know they shouldn't, but you just can't stop them?  That happened to me.  The BFFAE told him to have a good night, and I should have said something along those lines.  But I didn't.  What did I say? Have a good pee.

Yup.

Glad I got that off my chest,
A